The Inspirational Editor of Woodlawn

I'm bemused. My writers apparently hold me in high esteem. I feel as if I should be taken aback. Nobody is more aware of my shortcomings than I am. Still, the authors I serve seem certain that I wield special powers.

You may wonder how I can be so certain. As with most superhumans, I'm surrounded by signs and portents. My clue? Why the confidence they have in me. I serve ten writers. They have a deadline. They must deliver their reports to our manager by noon tomorrow. I know, I know. That's no real stretch. Anybody can come up with something and toss it on the guy's desk by noon. There's only one impediment to that train of thought.

Hello. It's me again. Dave. But you can call me Mr. Impediment. That's right. I walk softly and carry the big autograph stick. You don't got my autograph, you don't got no deliverable. It's a pretty simple equation. But here's the funny part. The faith these people put in my is humbling. Because as of five o'clock this evening only three of the ten authors had submitted their deliverables for review. I should say their Contract Deliverables. And if I could write those two words in the same font Moses carried down the mountain after visiting forty days and nights with the Daddy of All Customers I would, because it carries that kind of weight. Slip a deadline deliverable date and you can relabel yourself CREW with an S on the front and an E-D on the back.

But my guys have faith in me. They are totally convinced that I can make time stand still. I haven't tried to give them that impression. Sure, I've turned a product fairly quickly now and then. Who hasn't? But to make time stand on its head, or even to go backward? That's crazy. But it must be the case. Why else would somebody wait so long to turn a product in?

Did I mention that my writers are mmm-managers? Say it with me. Mmm-manager. It starts with the same sound as mmm-money. Just guessing...and I really am, we're all professionals and don't talk about this sort of thing...but just guessing, I suspect each of them is paid more than I am. One can only presume that with a handsome paycheck comes an enviable degree of responsibility. So the delay in preparing reports can't be procrastination. That's not responsible. And it can't be a cavalier attitude about keeping our customer happy. That's not responsible either. So it must be that they have an incredible amount of faith in my ability to mold time to my own ends.

That's it. I'm flabbergasted. I'm humbled. This is the best job in the whole wide world and I work with the best of all possible people. Gee, life is swell!