Links and Larceny

The Great Hunter was loosed in Florida yesterday. With club firmly in hand, I attempted to bludgeon an innocent sphere that had the cutest little dimples. In the process I thoroughly defoliated large tracts of Florida real estate. I visited landscapes that rivalled Mars in their stark stretches of gritty nothingness. I was a human windmill with a single great titanium blade, moving copious amounts of air but little else. Occasionally--so very rarely, but occasionally--I found that I had effectively herded my little charge to a plateau of bright green nirvana. Here the wind blew fresh. Here the sun shone brightly. Here the ground was a lush carpet of uniform length--not too long, but not too short--and I could nudge the sphere gently until it saw its cozy burrow and all was once again right with the world.

You can't buy special moments like that. At least not when your family beats you to the cashier. And for all the other times, there's MasterCard. Except in the treat machine at the local Mexican restaurant where we gathered afterward to congratulate ourselves and await our well deserved sunburns. There, MasterCard was not accepted, but quarters were. I dutifully inserted mine below the glass globe containing our Creator's gift to all, candy-coated chocolate covered peanuts. I slipped that disk into its snug slot. I turned that chrome crank until I heard the heavenly treat knocking on the little door, begging to be let out. I opened the door. There stood one bedraggled green M&M.

One. For a quarter. I was in shock. I showed the little fella to my niece and nephew. It looked so sweet resting there in the palm of my hand. I held it gently, confident of its promise not to melt there. Then I popped it in my mouth, severed it with my incisors, crushed it with my molars, squished it against my palate, and sent it to wave to my epiglottis on its way to become welcome nourishment for my sun-baked body. I may have bitten, chewed and swallowed with an extra dash of relish. After all, one stinking M&M for a quarter!? Gouging for goodies. I know some sort of crime has been committed here. But you know, I do believe that something purchased so dearly is all the sweeter for its price.