And the Refrigerator says ...

If a See-and-Say existed for appliances, the refrigerator would say, "I'm tired." At least ours would. I began to get suspicious when, in the course of a week, I went from scooping my ice cream to pouring it. Now I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer (and I have references for that), but I was beginning to form niggling doubts that our freezer was, indeed, well ... fulfilling its job description. And it may be a union tactic, because the Brotherhood of Cooling Appliances, Local 104 (which includes refrigerators) began a protest of attrition at about the same time.

Thankfully, it wasn't a full-blown walkout. I wouldn't blame them if it was. How would you feel if every time your door was opened, revealing all your innermost being, an anxious little brown dog appeared acting for all the world as if he hasn't been fed in six weeks. That's what our appliances put up with.

Needless to say, we've sought binding arbitration. Some time today a man with a plan will drive from the other side of Baltimore. After he says something charming like, "You really live OUT here, don't you?" and I bite my tongue to keep from suggesting that he really lives OVER there, I'll hand him 60 hard won dollars and he'll make suggestions that will, hopefully, restore harmony between the Grocery Getters and the Grocery Keepers.

Of course, whatever the Man from Over There suggests will have an associated cost not covered by his $60 prize for locating our home. But, like the rest of the world, he'll work pretty darn hard getting here the first time so it's probably worth it. And, again most hopefully, at the end of the day the Refrigerator will say, "I'm cool."